Explicit and Implicit Relationships

and the story of Hathor and Osiris

Implicit Expectations

Currently, everybody has a certain idea of what a relationship is. This idea is forms an “implicit” expectation of what your partner is expected to do in a relationship. I once dated a woman who expected me to lift her spirits when she was upset, and that was the role of her boyfriend. I had no intention of ever lifting her spirits (my approach is simply holding, rather than attempting to relieve sorrow). It was a sign that we weren’t just fit for each other.

Thing is, and this happens a lot, we never set any sort of agreement on how to hold these kind of situations. She was just like “Well this is what you’re supposed to do in a relationship”.

Implicit relationship agreements cause all sorts of problems, from being a burden on your partner, to fights and arguments. The path forward is instead through explicit expectations for relationship. I learned this from a relationship coaching program, where they called it “Relationship by Design”. You intentionally set forth practices and agreements for how your relationship will work.

The Relationship Escalator

In the poly community, there’s an awareness of a habitual implicit expectation of most monogamous relationships regarding marriage. They don’t really happen in poly relationships because you can’t get married to both people, so it forces you to confront this habitual implicit expectation. This expectation is called “The Relationship Escalator” and it goes something like this: meet, date, exclusivity, dog, marriage, house, kids.

For many people, this is how relationships are supposed to go, and its the only way relationships go. So many people get dogs just for this reason. -_-. There’s a great awakening that happens when you realize not only does this not have to happen, but there is an infinite array of possibilities surrounding relationship that can occur.

Relationship in Tribe

In Tribe, the world’s first relationship app, relationships are built around practices. A relationship practice is anything you do repeatedly with another person. Typical relationship practices are talking with each other, intimacy, sleeping together, sharing meals, etc. We implicitly expect many of these things to just happen, but often our idea of what relationship looks like does not match our partner’s. There are practices we want, that our partner does not want or cannot provide

Let’s say you love back-rubs. You and your partner can set up a practice where your partner gives you a back rub twice a week. Because this practice has one person giving (loving) and one person receiving (being loved), the practice is polarized. This means it generates attraction! I can even feel writing about it the attraction and sexual energy generated through this practice.

Practices can also be non-polar. Everything from cleaning your house to talking to each other is a non-polar practice. These are great for building friendships, but too many non-polar practices will eventually lead to a “dead-bedroom” relationship. This often happens with kids in a marriage, as the parents share responsibilities for handling the kids.

The problem with Equality

This leads us to a bigger philosophical issue: The desire for Equality above all else. The thing is, we don’t necessarily want equality in our relationships. Equality kills polarity, and thus kills attraction. We need polarity for our relationships to thrive. In this sense, the patriarchy isn’t inherently a bad thing. Leadership by males is generally what females want. However we have to alchemize the patriarchy before it can be of use. Instead of fighting for equality — treat females the same as males — I suggest a revolution fighting for polarity. Have the males treat the females with love and attention.

The fundamental problem of the patriarchy is that males focus on the desires of males. This is both due to low-level-consciousness (hate, pride, fear, lust, etc.) as well as the lack of the sharing of desire of females. It’s the age old problem of “what do women want?”. The more we can get females to share their desire, and the more can get others to ask females their desire, the more power females will begin to have and receive.

Imagine a US congress where all the males only simply created the desires the females. The speed at which legislation would go through, and the power generated. Hmm.. I’m feeling trouble explaining this vision. Perhaps I’ve experienced something that most people are not aware. It is the love of Osiris for Hathor.

Hathor and Osiris

This may not be historically accurate, but its the download I’ve received from Hathor through reading The Sophia Code. The essence of the story is what’s important here anyway.

Hathor is an Egyptian Pharaoh. Osiris is her husband and the love of her life. One day, Hathor receives an intuition that commanding her husband to kill himself would save humanity. Hathor summons her husband, and he kneels before her. Hathor gives the command, speaking her desire. “Osiris, I want you to commit self-murder”. Osiris, of his own will and infinite love for Hathor instantly slits his throat.

“Oh no”. The emotions here are rather difficult to transmit and write. Unfortunately I’m not that talented of a writer yet, but the sorrow overcomes Hathor. Then a voice within the infinite consciousness appears to her. Her husband lies dead, bleeding on the floor and she has a vision of a hawk, circling above them. Osiris is still alive, though his body is deceased. Hathor then become aware of the infinite consciousness, the first human to ever do so.

The point here, is that Osiris was willing to create for Hathor whatever it was she desired, even his own death, so true was his masculine service to her. Now, can we imagine a congress, a people, a world, that would be so willing to create for females all of their desires?

That’s a little of the world I’m envisioning.